Squish, squash, that's my tit you're trying to smash!

Had one of my yearly (cough, cough) mammograms last June. The radiologist found something of concern and had them ask me to come back for "additional views".

I said no.

They asked again.

I said no, and talked to someone who could stop the nagging. (They did.)

My doctor tried to appeal to my sense of reason, saying it was only a mammogram.

I said no.

Mammograms are among the absolute MOST painful procedure I have to endure. I realize it is not so for all women, but most women have a fair amount of fatty tissue in their breasts. I have pretty much all ductwork in there. They've been called "dense". They've been called "difficult to place" and "difficult to read". They are very careful not to say they're so damn "SMALL". It's painfully obvious that I present a bit of a challenge to the poor radiology techs.

To top it off, I have some cysts in there. Been there for years. I've had two (yes, TWO) stereotactic biopsies on them. After the first one, I vowed I would never do that again without some kind of medication. Now, people - I have had two children without any kind of anesthesia - I can typically handle pain ok! After the second one where I WAS medicated and all that did was make me cry the entire time, I vowed that they would have to take my breast off me if they wanted to biopsy something in it again. It makes sense to me that if I had cysts in my breasts at one time, why would I stop making that tissue? It makes sense to me that they would eventually see more. What makes them believe this is anything different?

Anyway, last month, I had about a week of strange pain in one breast (the concerning one), in roughly the location they were concerned about. While breast pain generally doesn't mean anything other than a shift in hormones, I decided my body was trying to tell me something and I set up the appointment for the additional views.

OH MY GOD!

And YOUR GOD, too!

We squeezed my little tit every possible way it could go. And then the radiologist still couldn't see the exact location, so we squeezed it again. And again. And again. And again. Move this way. Turn your head that way and kind of lean back. (While I keep your tit prisoner in this vise, btw) Relax your shoulder. OK, try your head this way. Now try stepping forward and THEN leaning back. I think I went out to the waiting room and back into the procedure room at least 5 times, garnering some mighty sympathetic looks from the gals around me. Still no one acknowledged just how small my breasts are. (but I did hear about all the ductwork in there again... I confess I think about heating ducts when they say stuff like that, but these little dudes do nothing to keep me warm...)

Bottom line - the radiologist is going to classify this as "suspicious" and something that should be biopsied, but acknowledges that it is in such a difficult place to pinpoint, that a normal needle biopsy probably wouldn't work. Guess what I told him? Yep - just take the whole damn breast and check it out. I don't need it anymore. In fact, take them both and give me some nice B cups instead, OK? He laughed a little and told me that since it had already been nearly 6 months since my last tittie twister, and he didn't see any change, he would be ok if I wanted to wait another 6 months again. But that it had to be at 6 months, not a year. (Oh, and if I'd have come back in a few days AS THEY WANTED ME TO DO, there would be no way he'd be ok with waiting. He would insist on the biopsy. Sometimes patients DO know best!)

So back to today. Yeah. Fine, I said. But I really mean it - they can have these things. Betcha if they put implants in, they would stop trying to squish the living bejeezus out of them. I want to see some male type radiologist have his little private parts squashed in one of those machines. A new way to do this would be on the horizon in no time!

So, I'm back on the 6 month plan. Yippee. Can't wait till May.