So howyadoin?

Most frequently asked question:
"So, How're ya doin'?"
Next most frequently asked question:
"Is it weird?"
Followed by:
"How's LK doing with it?"

I can only assume these people are talking about the hole in my chest where wind whistles in and out with some regularity. I'm not sure how it attracts the attention it does. I try to keep it covered, but somehow it becomes noticeable.

I've been afflicted with this a couple times before, so I understand that it will slowly close up and I'll only hear that faint whistling sound now and then. But it's hard to convey that to curious friends.

I'll be gathering and sending care package #1 when - whoosh - there it is again. Looking at the kitchen table set for 3. whoosh. Running into GF (who understandably talks to him considerably more often than I) who says he's having a hard time today - pretty lonely. WHOOSH... will that damn wind kick it down a notch, please???

Maybe it's because this was my baby for so very long... maybe because he still hung around the house fairly regularly... maybe because he allowed me to talk with him when things were so up and down with GF. Maybe because the last two times, I still had a super busy house to keep up with. Or maybe I have blocked the memory of just how long this feeling takes to become normal.

All I know is that -

re Q1: Hanging in there, wishing I could talk to him at least every other day. Enjoying the clean bedroom while missing the mess. Feeling detached from things - even work, which is pretty consuming. Working hard to conjur some energy to create a "real" dinner. Wishing there was a hockey game to watch.

re Q2: Yes. Definitely.

re Q3: Surprisingly well. She is appropriately and wonderfully self-centered and has gotten into the swing of being a first grader, bringing home the lovely green slips from her teacher exclaming just how exceptional she is. It helps so much that she enjoys her teacher and the classroom. She doesn't hang out in his room, she doesn't ask to talk to him all the time (though she knows she can call him whenever she wants). She's just busy being 6 years old. I think it hits her now and then, but she has two other older siblings who show up and then leave, so it's not as foreign to her as one might think.

Good thing I've got twelve more years before I have to do this again.


erin said...

ok you gotta stop with these - they are killing me!! today was the first day of preschool and I'm blaming all my sappyness on hormones. sending you hugs and kisses!

Broadway Bloopers said...

Oh fughettaboutit... You're the strongest woman I know. You'll be fine. :)