Round 2

Weeellll - bio dad is back in the picture. Took a phone call the other day. He didn't give his name. Just said, "Hi B?" and then "How are you?" That was enough for me to recognize his voice, but it would have been nice if he'd announced himself. Note to self: Give name always. Last weekend, BIL mistook me for l'il sis (that's happened now with both sisters - think maybe we all sound alike???). I need to use my name, too.

Back to bio dad. He's out of jail, and in a rehab program again. I think this is part of his treatment - to contact people in his past. The last contact for me was nearly a year ago when he called from jail and asked for pictures. I obliged, making sure one or two pictures had his older two kids in them. I know the kids' family will not agree to visit with him, so pictures are the best I can do to bridge that issue. After some chit chat, where he asked among other things, if she was talking yet (she's FOUR - of course she's talking!), he mentioned that he could have visitors on Sundays from 1-3. So we're going to see him the weekend after next.

How to prepare LK for this??? What do we call him??? What's with the excessive punctuation? She wasn't even two the last time she saw him. I know she won't recognize him at all. So I've scoured the house for pictures of him to show her what he looks like before she sees him again. She knows a little boy with his same name, so we've taken to calling bio dad "Big A" and the little dude "Little A". But we're all grappling with whether we explain that he is her father or not - probably even Big A. This is a little tough - she doesn't quite get it that C & N are her brother and sister. She just knows there is something different and special about their relationship. They're not just friends. But it might feel a bit like being cousins. Hard to tell, since she can't really verbalize it yet. On the other hand, C & N both know she's their sister and sometimes talk about her as their sister. It's not any big dark secret, but I know she still doesn't really get it. So, if it comes up, I suppose we'll talk about the father thing, and she'll just find out she has two fathers. She's certainly not the only kid with more than one father... but it will be awkward. DH suggested we call him "Uncle A", but I'm not crazy about that. Feels too much like lying, or trying to hide it. So I think we'll just use his name and see what happens.

In the meantime, I'm looking for more pictures of him. Mostly they've included C & N, so that might help her understand that relationship as well. Who knows??? This adoption trip is just that. A real trip.

1 comment:

Lunasea said...

Oh yeah, that would be weird. "Mommy, why are we visiting this random guy in prison?" Have you started any of the adoption books with her?